Vulnerability as a Strength

In popular thought vulnerability equates to weakness, being soft, in a position in which one will surely be taken advantage of. Throughout my life, I have learned to avoid vulnerability at all costs, building up walls to protect myself from an imminent attack. Somewhere along the way I learned the valuable lesson that some people will take advantage of me, that I cannot trust everyone. But there are times when I have overcompensated and decided that I cannot trust anyone. There's a big difference there. And that lack of trust has kept me "safe" but it's also kept me from engaging and learning more about what it means to live in trusting relationships with others. 

I now realize that vulnerability follows trust and greater trust comes through vulnerability. Being in a position of leadership heightens my need for trust and accentuates the risk of vulnerability, for I am acutely aware that I am NOT superman, that I cannot do it alone, which means I need to ask for support, which means I will have to admit my weakness, which makes me vulnerable. And therein is the paradox of vulnerability as a strength. In fact, vulnerability, paradoxically, may be the greatest strength a human being can possess, for as much strength as is takes to build walls of defense and ceaselessly defend the ground within those walls, it is amazing to discover that it takes even greater strength to open the gates, to bring the walls down, to allow myself to truly be seen in all my humanity, all my limitations, all my weaknesses. Perhaps that is what is meant in the passage that has long perplexed me in its seeming contradiction, "...for when I am weak, then am I strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Some may argue that being vulnerable, accepting and exposing weaknesses, will become merely an excuse for mediocrity, a scapegoat that sounds like, "that's just the way I am" or "wo is me! who will feel bad for me?" While I acknowledge the possibility of such a concession to the victim within, at the same time I celebrate the strength of admitting my weaknesses and acknowledging that I am simply one man among many, and when we come together in trust with a healthy picture of our personal limitations and weaknesses, we can be much greater than we ever could have been alone and constantly fighting to be seen as "strong." 

As leaders and as members of a team, vulnerability is the first step toward building a greater sense of trust, which will greatly enhance the productivity and succes of the team. Patrick Lencioni, author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, declares, "Great teams do not hold back with one another. They are unafraid to air their dirty laundry. They admit their mistakes, their weakness, and their concerns without fear of reprisal" (44). Imagine the power of a team who trust each other enough to admit their mistakes and acknowledge their weaknesses without being shamed or taken advantage of. This is a team I want to be part of.

In the spirit of vulnerability as a strength I, with Rumi, invite you to "cry out in your weakness... [and] give your weakness to one who helps." For another strength in being vulnerable is the chance to allow another to exercise strength in helping that that person would have been deprived of otherwise. Yes, my weakness strengthens, my vulnerability builds trust, my allowing others to bless me blesses them.

Cry Out in Your Weakness

A dragon was pulling a bear into its terrible mouth.

A courageous man went and rescued the bear.
There are such helpers in the world, who rush to save
anyone who cries out. Like Mercy itself,
they run toward the screaming.

And they can’t be bought off.
If you were to ask one of those, "Why did you come
so quickly?" he or she would say, "Because I heard
your helplessness."
          Where lowland is,
that’s where water goes. All medicine wants
is pain to cure.
          And don’t just ask for one mercy.
Let them flood in. Let the sky open under your feet.
Take the cotton out of your ears, the cotton
of consolations, so you can hear the sphere-music.

Push the hair out of your eyes.
Blow the phlegm from your nose,
and from your brain.

Let the wind breeze through.
Leave no residue in yourself from that bilious fever.
Take the cure for impotence,
that your manhood may shoot forth,
and a hundred new beings come of your coming.

Tear the binding from around the foot
of your soul, and let it race around the track
in front of the crowd. Loosen the knot of greed
so tight on your neck. Accept your new good luck.

Give your weakness
to one who helps.

Crying out loud and weeping are great resources.
A nursing mother, all she does
is wait to hear her child.

Just a little beginning-whimper,
and she’s there.

God created the child, that is your wanting,
so that it might cry out, so that milk might come.

Cry out! Don’t be stolid and silent
with your pain. Lament! And let the milk
of loving flow into you.

The hard rain and wind
are ways the cloud has
to take care of us.

Be patient.
Respond to every call
that excites your spirit.

Ignore those that make you fearful
and sad, that degrade you
back toward disease and death.